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The Third Way

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thedarkcrystal @ 11:33 pm: A letter
I was going through some back entries and found this letter which I had written to a friend last year and then posted, and I thought it might be a good thing to post here. This is why I keep on fighting, this is how I get through even when things are at their most difficult.
The letter:

It won't stop. And this is a difficult reality to live with, especially when people like you and I only make up about one percent of the population. The entire rest of the world spends the vast majority of their time trying to ignore us, discredit us, and do us harm in any way possible. It's hard, probably the hardest thing in the world, to keep on fighting a losing battle. To stick around when you know it's all over and that you can't fix it. I know it's the hardest thing for me. But somehow it's also the easiest thing I do, it's as automatic to me as my breath or my life. I'll never give in, it's just not in my nature to. Even if I wanted to I don't think I could. But that doesn't mean that it's easy to do what I do, or that life isn't any less sometimes than a series of choices which all look the same. I feel like nothing I can do will make a difference because the end is so sure. I feel weighed down by all of the emotions which most people cast off and refuse to feel. It's too much sometimes for one person to feel the pain, the grief, the heartbreaking sorrow for the whole world. And no matter how much I apologize it's never enough. It might be heard and appreciated, but it's never enough.
All I can do is do the best I can in my own life, try to reach out as much as possible, and tell the truth. Usually this feels like enough. I know that any change I make, no matter how small, is still a change. But there are times when it does get the best of me and just can't take it anymore and I don't know what to do with myself. I always feel better again if I just wait it out, but there is a part of me that wonders if the way I feel when I am buried in this depression isn't the right way. I know it's not, but still that unbearable sadness resides inside of me like a restless ocean. And it's always there.
But I do feel that I am doing the right thing despite this sadness, and the feeling that comes with it. I don't believe that there is anything we can do to stop this, as you so aptly described it, vampire culture. But if I change one person's heart I am fighting against it. If I stand up for what I believe is right, then I am fighting against it. All we can really do is keep on fighting, and be there for each other. The biggest blow that we can deal to this culture is to keep on going on, being what we are.

Your friend,
Crystal

Current Mood: goodgood
Current Music: Einstürzende Neubauten- 9-15-2000, Brussels

Comments

From:arkface
Date:April 22nd, 2004 05:28 pm (UTC)
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We can still try ALOT. We can try and save the trees, the salmon, the animals from vivisection or from slaughterhouses. We have to try and save as many as we can..because when we "crash" there will be LITTLE left. there will be NO diversity. We may fuckin eat ourselves...we have to be ready.

Learn Karate or better.. Shaolin. Think of columbia or the congo. That may have not helped and this may not even happen, but it's pretty possible.

And remember this isnt your fault! at least you know about the evils of civilization!

you should read "the culture of make believe" by derrick jensen. You'd love it.
From:arkface
Date:April 22nd, 2004 05:30 pm (UTC)
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"because when we "crash" there will be LITTLE left."

and we have to let them grow! and respect them, of course.
[User Picture]
From:thedarkcrystal
Date:April 28th, 2004 01:54 am (UTC)
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Yes. This is what I am all about, trying even when it seems pointless to try, going on even when I no longer know where I am going. Fighting for something even if it seems impossible.

I know it is not my fault, but I appreciate the assurance just the same.

I have read and love Culture, it's a great book but a great author.
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